He felt a little sick. There was no way for this to go well.

“Who the hell is she?” Her voice was full of rage and bordered on tears.

He thought quickly. “She’s nobody…just somebody I knew from a long time ago, before I even knew you. She sort of latched onto me. It’s no big deal.” She’s an amazing woman I’ve known for almost 10 years, who’s always been there for me no matter what. She was there before you, and the one before that and I know she’ll be there long after you’re gone. 

“It is a big deal! I can’t believe you let her do this. Why is she writing you like this? Why didn’t you tell her to stop? Block her mail?” Outrage colored her face red. 

“Because, it wasn’t hurting anything. It’s just words, like a game. Plus, she’s married. I’ve tried to get rid of her before and she always finds me. I dunno…it was just easier to let her keep writing. It’s not like I’m in love with her or anything.” Because I asked her to write. Because I like it. Because I write back. Because I like how she makes me feel. Because I like how she thinks. Because she loves me.

“And what about me? Doesn’t she know you have a girlfriend? I want it to stop right fucking now! And if you won’t tell her, I will.”

He knew that she would, too. Shit. “Yes, she knows. Like I said, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care about her. It’s not real…Look, fine, I don’t care. It’s done. She’s gone. I’ll never talk to her again. I don’t need any of this shit. It’s you that matters. I’m sorry, ok?” Yes, she knows. She knows I hate this. She even tries to help, giving me advice, telling me to be nice to you even though I know it’s hard for her. Only yesterday she tried again to back away, give me space so she wouldn’t make it harder for us. I told her not to go. I told her I give up everything for you. So now that I've said ‘goodbye’, she already knew why. One day when you’ve gone, I’ll talk to her again. I’ll say ‘I’m sorry’ and she’ll say ‘it’s ok, I understand’, like she always does. But it’s not ok. I hope she knows.  

She knows.


©Sonja Torres 2006


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